May 5, 2016 at 4:50 PM
Clerk who checked us out at Walgreens: “Is she mixed?,” pointing at my son.
Me: “He’s a unique and beautiful creation, just like you and me.”
Clerk: “Well, she’s beautiful.”
Me: “Thanks, and she’s a boy.”
Real Talk
The other day, I legit chased my toddler around my street with no pants. ZERO pants. He was running all over the street and I didn’t have time to think about whether or not neighbors could see my saggy white rear end peeking out from underneath my shirt. I had a toddler to catch. If you happened to look out of your window and you live on my street… you’re welcome.
May 5, 2016 at 11:57 AM
Some moms at swim class were trying to out-diet each other talking about what new cleanse they were on and how much kale & quinoa they ate for breakfast. I’m over here going, “I’m hungry. Where can I get me some ice cream?”
May 4, 2016 at 9:42 PM
It’s the third night in a row that our 2.5 year old has gone to bed happily, calmly and quietly without yelling or throwing a massive fit and causing a great disturbance in the force. I don’t even know what to do with the peace. Maybe it would be an easier transition for my ears if I ran around the house banging a bunch of pots and pans.
April 21, 2016 at 11:00 PM
Tonight, Two of the little neighborhood girls zoomed by in their pink Barbie sports car and picked Josh up out in front of our house. They drove all over the place and Josh had his arm on the side like he was ballin’. The girls pull up to our front door and drop him off.
Me to Josh: “Do not even think about getting comfortable with that scenario.”
April 18, 2016 at 10:43 PM
My son refers to himself in the third person:
“Mommy, J-man wants some milk.”
1) I can’t possibly be expected to keep a straight face
2) Does he know his real name is Joshua?
3) I may not stop this any time soon.