The other day, I legit chased my toddler around my street with no pants. ZERO pants. He was running all over the street and I didn’t have time to think about whether or not neighbors could see my saggy white rear end peeking out from underneath my shirt. I had a toddler to catch. If you happened to look out of your window and you live on my street… you’re welcome.
Dearest Joshua: I don’t understand half of what you say. But sometimes I pretend I do so you’ll stop repeating yourself. Just start remembering everything I missed so we can talk about it in therapy 30 years from now mmmkay?
Joshua at dinner asks for water with a full glass of milk on his tray.
Me: “Nope. Because I’m tired of getting up to get you stuff. How’s THAT for some honesty.”
Dave: “Somewhere in there, I heard a mic drop.”
The other night on the playground, my friend’s 3 year old son ran up to my 2.5 year old son and gave him the biggest tightest hug I had ever seen. My heart melted, but Josh had a look of horror on his face. (My son has a huge personal bubble space and it had just been violated.) Trying not to laugh, I gently told the little boy, “It’s probably a good idea to ask if it’s ok before you hug someone.” The little boy looked confused and replied “BUT HE’S SO CUUUUTTTTEEEE!!!!!”
Boo-yah toddler!! You’re asleep and we’re about to make a steak dinner! We’re gonna adult so hard right now. Probably going to be ice cream afterward and we don’t have to feed any of it to your little mouth. Toddler, I have one thing to say to you- FOMO.
Tonight, parenthood looked like turning on the end of “Hunt for Red October” the second the sleep-averse toddler fell asleep. And huge bowls of ice cream. And it was everything. Oh, and Alec Baldwin was hot.