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Me: “Joshua, I would like some help upstairs in your room. Will you come upstairs with me?”

Him: “No way, I don’t want to.”

Gosh, I’d wish he’d learn to express himself better and develop stronger opinions.

As Joshua & I watch “Planet Earth,” he points to the screen:

Me: “Oh, those are mushrooms, J.”

Him: “No, it’s fungus.”

Excuse me for my ignorance.

As Josh was hurling himself off the couch today, I heard him talking to himself before each jump. I listened closely and he seemed to be mumbling “Be careful” – something that Dave and I repeat on an hourly basis here. So, my toddler is self-admonishing, but continues his acts of insane physical bravado. Paging Dr. Freud.

Josh: “Look mom- Alaskan King crab legs are on sale!”

Me: “Go get a job, son.”

Today I played the “Does my child really need to go to the doctor” game… And I lost. I mean, I won, cuz he’s not *that* sick.

It’s the Kobayashi Maru of parenting.