Tonight while reading “Green Eggs and Ham” to Joshua:
Me: “I am Sam.”
*Josh points questioningly to the guy with the hat*
Me (hesitantly): “Ah, I’m not sure what his name is Joshua. The book doesn’t say.”
*Josh points again*
Me: “Yeah, we don’t know his name son.”
*Josh points again*
Me: “Josh, it’s the dude with no name.”
Dave pipes in: “Let’s just call him ‘Jim’ mmm kay?”
Dear serfs of the Kingdom of Lin: It is Just. Too. Early. SOMEONE GET ME MY COFFEE!
Love, the Benevolent Despot
While I’m changing Sam at the park today a little girl (about 1.5) runs up and leans in real close:
Girl: “He has a PENIS!!!!”
Me (trying to disguise my amusement): “Why yes, yes he does.”
Girl: “My daddy has a HUGE penis.”
Me: “I’m sure he’d really appreciate that assessment.”
My mom and dad took J to an indoor playground yesterday. In her own words, “Yeah, there was this little girl there who was repeatedly trying to kiss him. I almost had to step in. Little hussy.” And so it begins. I’ll be polishing MY rifle if you need me. #tigermom
I am the captain of the U.S.S. Target sailing around the world with new deckhands. By the time we return, they’ll have their sea legs under them and exotic treasures such as milk and boys’ shoes size six.