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MeetAbacus

Introducing… Abacus!

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Guys- this is my best friend, Abacus. We go everywhere together. My mom says he’s my “Emotional Support Rabbit.” Then she laughs.

Abacus doesn’t think it’s funny. Right Ab?

WHAT’S A RABBIT TO DO TO GET SOME *RESPECT* AROUND HERE? I’m a very busy rabbit, you know.

I don’t go to sleep until THE BOY goes to sleep because he’s usually squeezing me so tight my little lungs cannot inflate.

When he falls asleep, “Tada!,” he relaxes his grip and I can finally drift off… that us, until he rolls over and smashes my fur. It’s like he does gymnastics in his bed!

So there. I’m automatically getting less sleep. Sheesh. It’s like I’m a parent, or something.

Then, after I get up first and have my morning coffee, Zeke shows up around 6:30 and we must get started on our busy day. Some days are a variation on a theme, but this is the general schedule:

6:30 AM- See what we can pull out of the pantry in the kitchen before mother wakes up. We definitely leave the wrappers on the floor so she doesn’t have to think too hard about what it was we ate.

7:00 AM- Protest loudly about whatever mother has decided to fix us for breakfast. Then switch gears midstream and complain about something entirely different.

7:30 AM- Claim we don’t know how to put on our own socks, but we actually do. This is my favorite because it makes mother mad and that makes us laugh.

8:00 AM- Wander around in circles looking for our shoes that are usually sitting right at our feet.

8:30 AM- Hop in the car to take brothers to school, but when we get in the car, we don’t get in our seatbelts like we’re supposed to and we fight with our brothers or sit on our sister. Or both.

9:00 AM- Come back home and ask for multiple unhealthy snacks even though we never finished our breakfast. I think Zeke goes overboard, but my FAVORITE thing is carrot cake and I always hope Zeke asks for one. But he never does.

9:30 AM- We play outside for about a half hour. Then Zeke wanders inside. Then mother yells in the door, “Hey Zeke, what are you up to?” It’s usually something naughty and I have to hide my smirk of him getting in trouble. Again. And rabbit smirks are not easy to hide.

10AM-12PM– We work VERY hard at wearing mother down so that by the time the baby’s nap rolls around, mother will let us watch TV during her nap and mother will have to take a nap also. 

3:30 PM- We pick up brothers from school and then ALL FOUR of us get in trouble until daddy comes home. Then we’re perfect. Getting in trouble all day is hard work. We’re tired by then.

So you see? This schedule is jam-packed and I HAVE to make sure Zeke makes every appointment on time. Sometimes he likes to daydream… like that time he was sitting on the toilet and pretended to surf around the rim.

THAT is why my fur is looking a little dingy. If mother had half a brain, she’d do a quick fur sniff and do us all a huge favor and let me go for a swim in the washing machine instead.


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spirit_week

If You’ve Got Spirit, Let Me Hear It!

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Spirit Week.

The scourge of every semester for moms everywhere.

I mean, I suppose there are some who get excited about it. And God bless you if you are. You keep doing you.

I’m going to keep doing me.

And “me” is simply dreading the extra work associated with the various dress-up days.

I mean, I barely get myself dressed in the mornings. If I’m wearing the appropriate underwear and I’m out of my robe for the morning drop-off I’ve done really well. I might as well just close out that day as a “Win.” I may be a little smelly… my hair may not be washed in a few days, but I’m wearing clothes and I won’t get hauled into the local precinct for indecent exposure.

I’m convinced there are two types of kids in this world: Ones who think that school spirit week is “neat” and ones that think it is “not neat.” We didn’t have “school spirit” days when I was growing up. But then again, we had to walk uphill to school both ways in the blinding snow. It goes without saying.

My two eldest each fall into one camp. Sam thinks it’s definitely “neat” and Josh gives me the head shake every time. I will let you guess who is my favorite son in this scenario.

But at least Sammy is a self-starter. He decided he wanted to dress up for “Disney Day.”

This is a conundrum in this house. We’ve watched many a Disney movie, but other than that, we don’t have much to do with the Mouse ears. I’m not sure why. We haven’t hit Disney Princesses with #4. When we do, you’ll certainly hear about it.

At breakfast, Dave and I brainstormed and we got a brilliant idea.

“Sammy- you have a Mandalorian shirt! Mandalorian is most definitely Disney!”

He got excited. “Cool mom! That would be grea….”

He stopped short.

“Wait. That shirt is actually a ‘night shirt.'”

Me: “Yes. I mean, it’s a ‘t-shirt.’ You wear it with pajama bottoms BUT… you can ALSO wear it as a regular shirt.”

*I’m selling this hard*

Sam: “Mom, it’s a night shirt.”

Me: “You can wear it, Sam, it’s ok. No one will actually know.”

Sam: “MOM!!!! IT’S A PJ SHIRT!!!! THIS IS NOT GOING TO WORK!!!!!”

Dave and I just stood off to the side and looked at each other like, “This conversation cannot be real.”

Sam the scientist just could not make the existential shift in his head from PJ to T-shirt. It was too much. I feared his brain would explode.

“Sam, if you don’t want to dress up, you don’t have to.”

Josh “hi-fived” him and they loaded up their stuff and got in the car.

I want you all to know that I tried. I made the effort. I even argued a case.

And when it was unceremoniously shot down, I’m here to tell you…

I’m not sad about it.

Until next year Spirit Week, with your cray-cray hair days, your dress up parties and your silly props. This mom’s peacin’ out and coasting on “normal” for the entire summer.

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