Me before kids:
*Waiting in front of an elevator, someone comes up and pushes the already lit button*
Interior monologue: Oh hey, computer illiterate person… you know that elevator is run on ones and zeros? You *think* that by pushing the button multiple times, it will make the elevator hurry up because it senses your urgency. No. No it doesn’t. It’s a dumb computer. It is a series of ‘yesses’ and ‘nos.’ You look like a moron trying to either double check that it knows it has been pressed or make it hurry up. IT DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOUR SCHEDULE.
Me after kids:
*Waiting in front of an elevator, one of the kids has already pressed the appropriate button*
Other kids: OHYMYGOSHMOMIWANTEDTOPUSHTHEBUTTON!!!!!!! MOMMMMMMMM I WANT TO PUSH THE BUTTON!!!!!
Me: Sam, you push the button next, the TJ can push it after you.
Sam: Which one????????
Me: The one that’s already lit.
All kids push button and smile happily, moving seamlessly until the next bizarre and utterly mind-numbing meltdown in the next five minutes. They too, do not give a crap about the schedule.
An American humorist, writer and author. When boiling down the chicken soup of life, she finds those golden, fried nuggets of truth & writes them long after the kids go to bed.
