I see you.
I see you, you West Elm sales person.
I know what you’re thinking because I saw you blink really fast when we came in.
Yep. That’s right. We have three little kids. And we’re in West Elm. Because we’re feeling a little risky tonight.
Oh yeah. I know. I know that you set your store up so it wouldn’t accommodate strollers. Yeah. I know. You did that for a reason. I’m ok with that. We’ll navigate it.
Oh… you’re coming over here now? Oh, hi. Yes. We’re doing fine. We don’t need any help. You want to babysit? Was that fear that crossed your eyes?
Run.
You run right back behind the desk because West Elm is a nice and peaceful place where everything is magical and patterns don’t clash. Unlike the clothes my boys are wearing.
Heck. I don’t even know what I’m wearing right now and I bet my hair looks like it was licked by ten cows.
Uh oh. Did dad just spill part of his soda on the floor? Boys, come with mom. We’re going to just walk over here and create a diversion.
Avert your eyes sales person… avert your eyes.
Dad, do you need me to get something to… oh, yes. A diaper will do the trick. You wipe that floor with the diaper. You’re a genius. No one will know except the security cameras.
Uh oh, baby’s breaking down and starting to scream. Let’s turn around and head for the door. Thanks for the free entertainment West Elm!
Breathe easy salespeople. Next time we’ll try to buy something… but then again, we’re probably kid-ing.
An American humorist, writer and author. When boiling down the chicken soup of life, she finds those golden, fried nuggets of truth & writes them long after the kids go to bed.
