Lately, HR has seen an uptick in the number of complaint reports filed by stakeholders. When I brought it to the Veep’s attention, he seemed to think it’s time to hold another gratitude seminar. These seminars are really fun. For us. I pull from my classes in extemporaneous speaking. They can get loud, animated and best of all, the audience is ordered to be on strict radio silence with eyes and ears wide open. There’s usually a test at the end.
*JUST THIS MORNING*
Josh: “Mom, you made my pancake too thick in the middle. It’s hard to eat.”
Me: “I’ll let the chef know. Thanks for your input.”
*****
Sam: “Mom, I’m getting ‘bored’ of eating school lunches.”
Me: “Is that right?”
Sam: “Yeah.”
Me: “Sam, can I ask you some questions?”
Sam: “Sure.”
Me: “Are school lunches generally tasty?”
Sam: “Yep, pretty tasty.”
Me: “Are school lunches relatively nutritious, with quite a few fruits and vegetables
thrown in?” (School lunches have come a long way from when I was in school)
Sam: “Ummmm…. yes.”
Me: “And are you satisfied after eating lunch, aka, do you get enough to eat?”
Sam: “Yep.”
Me: “One last question: Are you paying for school lunches?”
Sam: “Nope.”
Me: “That’s right, you’re not. And directly, we aren’t either. They’re not ‘free,’ because a) nothing in this world is free and b) we still pay taxes… and our tax dollars are subsidizing school lunches right now, which I think is a pretty good use of the funds considering it saves me time and anguish.”
Sam: “……”
Me: “Do you have any more questions? No, your honor, the defense rests.”
*****
I can’t wait for the next seminar. We’ll be holding breakout sessions on “Making Your Own Lunch” and “Cooking Your Own Breakfast.” You see, this will ultimately benefit the company as a whole as the stakeholders will be infinitely more invested in their ownership of said company. And we’re not just talking equity shares, here. Also, should they get hired away with a salary we can’t compete with (that’s ultimately the goal), they can take these new skills and use them toward their next entrepreneurial venture titled “Life doesn’t owe you a stinking thing.”
Buckle up, buttercups. Things are about to get fun here at the Linsanity, LLC.
An American humorist, writer and author. When boiling down the chicken soup of life, she finds those golden, fried nuggets of truth & writes them long after the kids go to bed.
