Good Habits Just Won’t Die

Here he is. The 2004 Honda Accord. Isn’t he handsome?

I told him if he posed nice for pictures we’d give him ice cream afterwards.

His favorite is rocky road.

 I’m telling you, that is one sweet ride.

But the man who bought it is even sweeter.

We went on all of our dates in that car. We brought home our first child in that car. We stuffed two dogs in that car and drove all over creation. Here’s the kicker:

WE STILL HAVE THAT CAR.

I’m not advocating for stubbornly holding on to something and sinking a bunch of extra money for nostalgia. Nah, don’t do that. However, the car continues to serve it’s purpose (point A to point B) and it rarely gives us a moment’s trouble.

I think we may have even hit 350,000 miles.

Back before the pandemic and four children, Dave and I would go to a lot of social events around town. We’d roll up next to the fancy Lexuses (Lexi?) and Mercedes and flip the valet our keys and saunter out of our PAID FOR Honda Accord like it was on the auction block at Barrett Jackson.

White doves may have flown out of the doors upon our exit.

We had been seeing each other about 3-4 months and we were in that car. I remember it clearly. We pulled up to Dave’s house (now our current house). He put the car in park and paused and looked at me.

“I have something exciting to tell you!”

“What?” says I, who wasn’t used to Dave using that kind of emotional rhetoric.

“I just paid off the last of my student loans.”

And he sat back looking like the cat who swallowed the canary.

It took a second for me to sit and think about it.

“Wait. You’ve only been technically a fully-fledged private practice board certified yadda yadda for a couple of years. How in the heck did you do that?”

“Well, no one told me that I didn’t have to not start paying it down right away. And I hate debt. So I lived very carefully and frugally and committed to paying down the debt each month… and I just wrote my last check. Lots of Ramen Noodle Soup for dinner.”

My jaw hit the floor. 

I was overwhelmingly proud of that person I was just beginning to know. And he gave me huge clues about who he was.

1. He hated debt
2. He created good habits by committing to paying down a certain amount each month
3. He knew how to live within his means or even far below his means to achieve those goals
4. He felt both the sting and triumph that defines delayed gratification
5. He found gratitude and satisfaction in what he had

In my book, those were some superhuman habits. I hadn’t yet met his parents, but when I did and started to get to know them, I knew that they had done right by Dave and trained him in a disciplined approach to life.

And now here we are. About 12-ish years later with four kids. Now it’s our shot at the habit game. I just recently found this quote that may make it into the list of “things mom says” that the kids will grill me about when they’re grown.

“Make good habits and they will make you.”

Boom. Mic drop. So few words, such a great impact. Definitely mom-phrase rolodex worthy. Some of you readers may not know what a “rolodex” is. Go ask the Googles.

I’m pretty good at the sticking to relatively appropriate life principles, but not so good at the daily routines. But one, I’ll own as hard-fought and hard-won.

In another life a long, long time ago (in the same galaxy, not one far away) I was a pianist. I got a college degree in it. I had to develop a pretty strict daily routine in order to succeed. To this day, I can’t even believe I was disciplined enough to do it. Only God, folks. Only God.

I practiced for roughly 2-3 hours every day and during each practice session, commit to accomplishing small goals before I would allow myself to finish for the day.

So much drudgery. Practice was not my favorite.

But you know what was my favorite? Getting on stage, playing through a piece and leading the audience members in their own musical journey.

I started playing the piano around age 8 and had practiced most of my life. Unbeknownst to me, somewhere in upstate New York, a little boy was also playing the piano and violin and practicing in the same manner. That same little boy went on to play in the Rochester Youth Philharmonic.

Helping our kids establish good habits at an early age actually increases their tolerance capacity container for delayed gratification later on in their lives. And it won’t be easy. And they may not like it. And they may cry about it. And they may push back about the routine. They can’t see the goal: they are too short. See the goal for them and help them stay the course until they are much taller and can see it for themselves.

The other day we were musing when we might get rid of the Accord and the thought made me so sad. It’s not really a “thing” anymore, more like part of the family. When/if it finally dies, we may have to give it a proper burial in the backyard.

Definitely going to need a bigger yard.

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