Real Talk
The other day, I legit chased my toddler around my street with no pants. ZERO pants. He was running all over the street and I didn’t have time to think about whether or not neighbors could see my saggy white rear end peeking out from underneath my shirt. I had a toddler to catch. If you happened to look out of your window and you live on my street… you’re welcome.
Raise Your Hand if You Believe Him
In the car, I turn around & Sam is blotting blood on his ankle:
Me: “Sam, what did you do to your ankle?”
Him: “Don’t worry, I’m ok.”
Me: “Oh, that’s good.”
Him: “Don’t worry. It wasn’t because I was trying to catch the fish in the fish tank.”
RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU BELIEVE HIM
I’ll be creating a GoFundMe account to pay for eye surgery as my eyes are now frozen in a permanent eye roll.
Someone Grab the Defibrillators
Guys. It may be awhile before I witness something sadder. My 3 year old was trying to convince me his little pet moth was alive. Through hot, angry tears, he picked up that little lifeless thing out of the water and demanded to me that it was alive. I think I’ll just let him continue in his delusion. He’ll figure out soon enough that it is dead. But not today.
Gosh, That Sounds Nuts
Josh: “Mom, what’s ‘Boxing?'”
Me: “Ummm…. it’s a sport…. where… people punch other people in the face.”
*****long pause*****
Me: “Gosh that sounds nuts.”
Me: “Oh, and you’re never ever EVER allowed to play that sport. Ever.”
Mr. Teapot
And that’s a wrap for the spring season. One of Josh’s little teammates was looking over my shoulder as I pulled out his team pic from the pouch. He pointed to Josh in the pic.
“Oh look! There’s ‘Mr. Teapot!’” I looked askance at him. “Mr. Teapot??!!”
He shrugged his shoulders. “Shortest one on the team.”
I stared at this 6 year old. “You are the same size he is.”
Him: “I’m just a little taller.”
That’s ok Josh. I was always the shortest. But also the fastest.