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Boys DO Like the Mushy Stuff (just keep it shhhhh)

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I sat down at 11:30 with a pen in hand and paper in front of me. The paper was basic and I tried hard to steer clear of anything frilly or something that could be construed as “lovely.”

I had just finished packing their lunch and had to squeeze in one last thing.

I’m not usually one given to writing notes, but there I sat, willing my pen to start a sentence.

“Dear Joshua…”

“That’s a good start!,” I said to myself.

Most moms would just write a few words on a post-it note. But I am a writer. And both of my boys can read (rather well). And they are used to my diatribes. So they would be surprised NOT to get the full force of my literary flourishes.

I wrote the rest of the sentence. Then I tried to read it back to myself.

Chicken scratch. I shook my head. A writer should have better handwriting. Based on handwriting alone, I could have qualified as the doctor in this household. Dave’s writing is neat, measured and above all, is legible.

Admittedly, my handwriting has deteriorated over the years. My boys most certainly wouldn’t be able to read that nonsense.

I moved to the computer and started my familiar click-clack routine that sounds a bit like popcorn in the process of making its transformation.

Tomorrow, the boys are starting a new school, a situation I found myself in quite a lot growing up.

Six different states before 16 and about as many schools: the fears and worries bubbled just beneath the surface even after all of these years.

They needed a mama hug in their lunchbox. They assured me they were excited about their first day, but there are so many things that boys don’t say. Good thing they have a mama who likes to say it all.

I hit print and signed my name at the bottom.

Number One

My precious boy, I am praying for you on your first day at a new school. I know you are wondering about new friends and old friends, but remember this: Jesus will always stick by your side. He is the most loyal friend we have. Press into His loving arms on your good days and bad days. Walking with him all the days of your life is the best decision you can ever make.

Second to Jesus, you have us. We also love you on your good days and bad days. We see you at your best and we see you at your worst. To us it makes no difference, it’s all just rolled into the amazing package that is THE Joshua Lin.

You’re a big second-grader now and I just can’t believe that you’re already here. I’ve seen you grow in confidence and maturity. I laughed to myself as I watched you make lunch the other day for you and your brothers. I thought, “Shoot, he’ll soon be cooking dinner and my little baby boy will be replaced by a young man.” You’ll understand one day when you’re a parent. We want to keep you little and grow you up AT THE EXACT SAME TIME.

Remember, son, your Dad and I know exactly what it’s like to be the firstborn. We all struggle with carrying the weight of the world. But this is Jesus’ job. His shoulders are big enough.

We are here for you.

We will help you navigate conflict. We won’t resolve conflict for you.

We will help you advocate for yourself. We won’t speak for you.

We will love you regardless of your academics. We won’t let you swim below your potential.

Your world is our world and we are looking forward to being on this second grade journey with you.

We love you with all of our hearts.

Number Two

My amazing Samuel, we are praying for you on your first day at a new School. Out of our three boys, you have the most intense curiosity and the joy of our lives is living day-by-day with you as you learn about all the things.

The very best thing you can do in this life is be curious about people. In God’s economy, relationships are most important. You will say “hi” to old friends and meet new friends. Remember that everyone has a story of pain or heartache they may or may not share with you.

In your journey of making friends, some may be “mean” to you, but instead of feeling immediately hurt and wanting to hurt back, take a pause– take a breath… and be curious about the reason behind that meanness. There’s always something behind it and meanness is deflated when met with thoughtfulness.

This world needs a confident leader like you, who will dare to pause before getting angry in return.

Your dad and I are cheering for you. Jesus is cheering for you and is by your side every step of the way. Only He offers the perfect love and friendship we all seek.

We are so very proud of you. Of the boy you are. Of the young man you are aiming for.

We are here for you.

We will help you navigate conflict. We won’t resolve conflict for you.

We will help you advocate for yourself. We won’t speak for you.

We will love you regardless of your academics. We won’t let you swim below your potential.

Your joy is absolutely contagious and I know your little sister is going to miss you terribly as you spend your days at school. You and she have the most beautiful relationship and it’s only going to grow and get better over the years.

We love you with all of our hearts.

Did they read this? I Don’t know.

I never asked and they never told.

This is the way.

If I’ve learned anything about raising boys (and I also have Dave to thank for this), it’s that *most* boys/men have an intense need to “save face” and keep some things close to their hearts.

Every bit of me wanted to ask them in the car “Did you SEE my note? Do you KNOW how much we love you?”

They saw.

They know.

And that is enough.

#amwriting #notesfrommom #authorsofig #firstdayofschool #firstdayofschool2021 #brandnewyear #truthandlove #raisingboystomen #momswhowrite

hummingbird

My Hummingbird

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What does Sara and Dave talk about on a twelve-year anniversary? Maybe we talked about the pandemic. Or having a little girl who largely remained hidden until she was one.
Or three little boys all growing up too fast…
Or finances. And God providing. And future plans.
You *may* be right.
But I will recall to you an *actual* conversation we had involving tiny, tiny birds.
******
Dave: “I think we need new hummingbird feeders.”
Me: “Wait, we have some.”
Dave: “I don’t think they’re working.”
Me: “What does that mean?”
Dave: “The hummingbirds… they’re not draining them.”
Me: “Did you make the sugar water right?”
Dave: “Yes, of course.”
Me: “Why would getting new hummingbird feeders help?”
Dave: “I don’t think the ones we have are ‘pretty’ enough.”
Me: “Really? You think the hummingbirds are discriminatory?”
Dave: “I think they need to be ‘brighter’.”
Me: “I mean, this is the first I’m hearing of hummingbirds being aesthetic critics.”
******
We also solved world hunger and discussed quantum physics, but the welfare of our feathered friends was undoubtedly the loftiest conversation of the night.
“Two” was better than “One,” was better than “Three,” …. was better than “Four….”
You get the picture.
Happy anniversary to my hummingbird.
❤
sedonuts

Another Bite Out of the Se-Donut

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Well, we’re up there a lot.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the area, there’s no other way to describe it other than this: Two giant brothers went head to head in a wrestling match and they piled up giant slabs of rocks as they went. And they bled all over the place and stained everything red. Then the rains came and kind of turned it into a watercolor mess. Then their mom came out and yelled at them for making such a mess and bleeding on their front lawn. And then the mom teared up because the mess was so beautiful. Then that giant mom decided just to let them fight it out next time because it produced such beautiful results.

And that, in a nutshell, is Sedona. It’s wild, it’s jagged, it’s breathtaking.

And TJ calls it Se-Donut. And we do not correct him.

Partially, this is because there is an ACTUAL donut shop in Sedona called SeDonut. Which makes me angsty that I don’t own the marketing rights to that. I would have a field day.

This donut shop is good, but that’s beside the point. TJ just picked up the name and happily proclaims he loves “SeDonut” but means “Sedona.” And we pat his head and tell him he’s cute.

Especially since the viral shutdown, we just take a Saturday and go up there and play. Because it’s always at least 10-15 degrees cooler than the Phoenix Valley. Sometimes we’ll just go to a fun splash pad park and sometimes Dave and I are feeling adventurous and take all four hiking. Of course we get the complaints. The “I’m tired” and “I’m hungry” etc. Zip it kids. We’re busy building character. For the parents, of course.

But today, we just went up to relax. We took a picnic to the park. We brought all the kids and the dogs. And it actually was *fairly* relaxing as far as hauling kids go.

I should explain the one complication. When Rachel woke up that morning, she had a slight fever (with no other visible symptoms). Eh, like around 100 deg. And Dave and I went back and forth about whether we should go. Like all good parents, we decided to nix the day and just stay home.

Nope. Of course not. Are you kidding? Stay home on a beautiful day with FOUR kids slowly stealing our sanity? No way. So, I just grabbed the Tylenol, made the picnic lunch and had the boys throw all their things in a bag; shoes, swimsuits and extra change of clothes.

Rachel was fussy on the way up and of course, tons of traffic for a Saturday. But there’s something about hitting those red rock views that makes even the fussiest baby fade into the background. We made it into West Sedona and set up camp at the park. It was busy but not overwhelming with all sorts of parent and littles playing on the equipment and splash pad. The hippie parents were out and I love those guys. They’re all so nurturing and attentive and they always remind me to relax and enjoy the moment.

The kids lasted about 2.5 hours and then fussy pants happened for both Rachel and TJ. Into the car they went. And then we loaded up the other two. After a McDonald’s ice cream pit stop, we looked at each other and said, “What next?”

To be fair, the “What’s next?” discussion happens A LOT. It usually goes like this:

Dave: “OK, what do we do next?”

Me: “Umm, haven’t gotten that far.”

Me: *silence*

Me: “What about XYZ?”

Him: “Sounds good, let’s go.”

The “Next” was a short drive to Uptown Sedona. TJ had fallen asleep. We had the two dogs, a woken and crying Rachel and the other two boys. When we found a parking spot, Josh looked at us with panicked eyes and said, “I FORGOT MY SHOES.”

So, to be fair, we didn’t really notice until this point because 1) lots of kids and 2) parks don’t require shoes. But running around Uptown Sedona most certainly does.

I’m going to tell you something you already know, but we’re in the learning phase with the littles right now:

Natural consequences really, really stink.

Especially for Josh who doubles down on the critique of himself every minute of every day. Did Dave and I get a little frustrated? Of course. Because that means one of us has to stay in the car while the other parent takes Sam, Rachel and the dogs on a walk around Uptown Sedona. And let me remind you, it was BEAUTIFUL that day.

But we didn’t say a whole lot other than make a plan as to who was going to stay. Josh started having a minor meltdown because the full weight of his forgetfulness settled in on preventing him from having fun. And Josh is about two things: Playing outside and having fun.

I’m guessing the next time mom says “Go put your shoes in the bag,” he won’t forget.

Maybe.

Let’s skip the rest until the drive home. This is where things get fun.

Remember that line in “Dumb and Dumber” where Lloyd says to Harry, “You want to hear the most annoying noise in the world?” Then proceeds to sound like a human air horn?

That was the ride home with little Ray Ray. She didn’t have a fever anymore, appeared ok. Had been fed, no dirty diaper. You know, the usual checklist that parents go through eleventy million times a day. I was the driver home because I insisted I was awake and ok to drive.

I popped in those AirPods and put on the Noise Cancellation feature. Life saving. I drove that bus home and she screamed practically the whole way. I’m sure Dave’s nerves were shot, but the boys seem to be able to ignore the screaming and just watch their movie even though they couldn’t hear the sound above the screaming.

We thankfully exited the car at home and it was late so we hurried everyone to get themselves ready for bed. As I unfolded Rachel’s diaper, I discovered a 2 mm red rock tucked neatly right in-between her tiny little butt cheeks, buried where the sun can’t shine.

Imagine having a pebble stuck in between your cheeks and not being able to do anything about it. I just shook my head and thought, “Sorry little girl. We missed another one.”

Then it was time to put the boys to bed and little Sammy has been struggling hard with allergies for a few weeks. He seems to have gotten ALL the allergies, poor boy. So even on Claritin he was miserable and complaining that his nose felt like there was something “tickling” it. I thought, “Oh, that’s just the effect of allergies.” What else do you say about that?

But he was almost having a full meltdown and getting loud about his nose. I just hugged him and all of a sudden he pulled away after a violent sneeze. He looked at me with wide eyes then looked in his hands.

“Mom!!! It’s OUT!”

Me: “What…WHAT!!! What’s ‘OUT?'”

I looked in his hands and there was a small wad of toilet paper that had been in there for who knows how long. Likely a couple of days because I remember back to how long the “tickling” comment had been going on.

I once again felt sad, like I missed his misery.

“Sam, did you suspect you had anything stuck up your nose? You should tell mommy… you wouldn’t get in trouble, I just would want to help you get it out.”

Sam: “I really didn’t think anything was up there.”

Guess who then got a lesson in how to figure out nose blowing? I doubt he’ll be smashing TP up his nose again.

Maybe.

Whatever.

Who am I kidding?

The kids and their drama now firmly asleep, I crawled downstairs to put away the rest of the stuff in the fridge and the leftovers from dinner. I started this story to sort out my day and worked on house admin until I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore. And I finished it the next day when I had had an appropriate amount of sleep.

Appropriate amount of sleep? Who am I kidding?

Certainly not you.

#sedona #sedonaarizona #sedonaaz #sedonaescape #visitsedona #redrockviews #sedonuts #latenightwriting #childrensbookauthor #roadtripwithkids #levelupkids #momwinslife #picnicinthepark #appleairpodspro #everydaystories #writingforlife

dave_sara

It’s Been a Year… And a Half

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Tonight was an impromptu date night. And for having a 7, 5, 3 and 1 year old… that’s a pretty hefty feat we pulled off.

It was also special because it was the first night we had gone out, by ourselves IN A YEAR AND A HALF.

Man, it’s been awhile. Part of that is situational (having a nursing baby doesn’t mean nights are optimal for just taking off) and part of it is circumstantial due to the ongoing pandemic. And part of it is simply logistical: Who in their right mind would walk into that scenario and watch four lively kids ages 1-7?

Our intrepid babysitter, Kathy. That’s who. And no, you may not have her number. Or her whereabouts. Her name isn’t really Kathy either. She’s far too valuable to disclose any other information. She handles our kids like a boss.

I had her come over tonight at 4PM. She took all four kids to the park with a picnic I had prepared. Dave walked in at 5 PM from work, which is extremely early for him on a work weekend. He saw me cleaning the second they left and he jumped in on it too. No one is more motivated than a parent when the kids are all out of the house.

I didn’t expect Dave to be home… I was just hoping to get some respite with a babysitter. So we cleaned our brains out until the kids came home around 7. Then we jumped in the shower, threw on some decent clothes and sneaked out the back door like a couple of teenagers.

We hopped in the trusty Honda and left the Pathfinder to Kathy in case of the zombie apocalypse and she needed to make a hasty getaway.

We headed to our favorite restaurant and sat out on the back patio enjoying the perfect Arizona weather. We marveled at the insanity of this year and made a list of the things that went down:

  • Had a “surprise” daughter
  • Welcomed two more darling baby girls into our family via my brothers (yes, that’s 3 baby girls in one year)
  • Did a lot of not sleeping
  • Navigated “online school” with a kindergartner and a first-grader and a three-year-old running around and a nursing 2-month-old baby
  • Had all children home all of the time until actual real school started and I cried with relief
  • Got used to wearing masks everywhere (not really, I hate them)
  • Dave saw waves of patients struggling with an awful virus
  • Dodged the corona virus like a bad game of frogger on the Commodore 64
  • Vaccinated against said virus and that was plenty not fun
  • Changed property management companies for our rental properties
  • Designed and built a deck in Sedona
  • Paid for two air conditioning units that went out at two separate addresses at the same time
  • Got into some debt and worked hard to pay off that debt
  • Refinanced five different properties when interest rates hit rock bottom
  • Watched our kids’ language program at school get axed and decided on a new school
  • Started a publishing company as I ventured into a new career

We talked business about some things we needed to think about and dates we needed to nail down, but it was always interspersed with our signature banter and I thought to myself “a date out with this guy is pretty much like being at home, we’re just interrupted WAY less.” I just love him and love how we’ve grown together. I have learned to depend on him more, and take my defenses down faster. I love how we can challenge each other and sharpen each other and then turn around and snuggle up when one is feeling tired or down or insecure or any other fill-in-the-blank that’s going on.

We survived this year and none of it would possible without God. Who helps us with perspective. Who helps us feel safe. Who gives us assurance that the next minute is not ours to worry about. Who holds our family and kids in His capable hands. After a year like this, my eyes are more tuned to look for those hands reaching out for me like my little daughter throws her hands up for me to lift her and hug her tight.

We walked into the blissfully quiet house after our date. Boys asleep? Check. Baby asleep? Also, check. We said goodbye to Kathy, locked the door, turned out the lights and called it a night; thankful for the opportunity to feel normal again for a few hours. And hoping the next time will be sooner than a year and a half.

#momlifewins #postpandemicworld #latenightdatenight #momanddadtime #momanddadlove #feelingnormal #babysitteroftheyear #bedtimestories #adultinglikeaboss #adultingwin #adultingatitsfinest #kidsareasleep #dateyourspouse #itsbeenalongyear #wemadeitoutalive #strongertogether #strongertogether💪  #lovethisman #lovethisman❤️ #kidfreenight #thankyoulordforeverything💕  #thelordisgood #latenightwriting 

2004_honda_accord

Good Habits Just Won’t Die

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Here he is. The 2004 Honda Accord. Isn’t he handsome?

I told him if he posed nice for pictures we’d give him ice cream afterwards.

His favorite is rocky road.

 I’m telling you, that is one sweet ride.

But the man who bought it is even sweeter.

We went on all of our dates in that car. We brought home our first child in that car. We stuffed two dogs in that car and drove all over creation. Here’s the kicker:

WE STILL HAVE THAT CAR.

I’m not advocating for stubbornly holding on to something and sinking a bunch of extra money for nostalgia. Nah, don’t do that. However, the car continues to serve it’s purpose (point A to point B) and it rarely gives us a moment’s trouble.

I think we may have even hit 350,000 miles.

Back before the pandemic and four children, Dave and I would go to a lot of social events around town. We’d roll up next to the fancy Lexuses (Lexi?) and Mercedes and flip the valet our keys and saunter out of our PAID FOR Honda Accord like it was on the auction block at Barrett Jackson.

White doves may have flown out of the doors upon our exit.

We had been seeing each other about 3-4 months and we were in that car. I remember it clearly. We pulled up to Dave’s house (now our current house). He put the car in park and paused and looked at me.

“I have something exciting to tell you!”

“What?” says I, who wasn’t used to Dave using that kind of emotional rhetoric.

“I just paid off the last of my student loans.”

And he sat back looking like the cat who swallowed the canary.

It took a second for me to sit and think about it.

“Wait. You’ve only been technically a fully-fledged private practice board certified yadda yadda for a couple of years. How in the heck did you do that?”

“Well, no one told me that I didn’t have to not start paying it down right away. And I hate debt. So I lived very carefully and frugally and committed to paying down the debt each month… and I just wrote my last check. Lots of Ramen Noodle Soup for dinner.”

My jaw hit the floor. 

I was overwhelmingly proud of that person I was just beginning to know. And he gave me huge clues about who he was.

  1. He hated debt
  2. He created good habits by committing to paying down a certain amount each month
  3. He knew how to live within his means or even far below his means to achieve those goals
  4. He felt both the sting and triumph that defines delayed gratification
  5. He found gratitude and satisfaction in what he had

In my book, those were some superhuman habits. I hadn’t yet met his parents, but when I did and started to get to know them, I knew that they had done right by Dave and trained him in a disciplined approach to life.

And now here we are. About 12-ish years later with four kids. Now it’s our shot at the habit game. I just recently found this quote that may make it into the list of “things mom says” that the kids will grill me about when they’re grown.

“Make good habits and they will make you.”

Boom. Mic drop. So few words, such a great impact. Definitely mom-phrase rolodex worthy. Some of you readers may not know what a “rolodex” is. Go ask the Googles.

I’m pretty good at the sticking to relatively appropriate life principles, but not so good at the daily routines. But one, I’ll own as hard-fought and hard-won.

In another life a long, long time ago (in the same galaxy, not one far away) I was a pianist. I got a college degree in it. I had to develop a pretty strict daily routine in order to succeed. To this day, I can’t even believe I was disciplined enough to do it. Only God, folks. Only God.

I practiced for roughly 2-3 hours every day and during each practice session, commit to accomplishing small goals before I would allow myself to finish for the day.

So much drudgery. Practice was not my favorite.

But you know what was my favorite? Getting on stage, playing through a piece and leading the audience members in their own musical journey.

I started playing the piano around age 8 and had practiced most of my life. Unbeknownst to me, somewhere in upstate New York, a little boy was also playing the piano and violin and practicing in the same manner. That same little boy went on to play in the Rochester Youth Philharmonic.

Helping our kids establish good habits at an early age actually increases their tolerance capacity container for delayed gratification later on in their lives. And it won’t be easy. And they may not like it. And they may cry about it. And they may push back about the routine. They can’t see the goal: they are too short. See the goal for them and help them stay the course until they are much taller and can see it for themselves.

The other day we were musing when we might get rid of the Accord and the thought made me so sad. It’s not really a “thing” anymore, more like part of the family. When/if it finally dies, we may have to give it a proper burial in the backyard.

Definitely going to need a bigger yard.

#goodhabitsforkids #goodhabitsforlife #goodhabitsstartyoung #goodhabitsstartearly #creativewritersofinstagram #raisinggoodhumans

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