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Mom’s Not

MeetAbacus

Introducing… Abacus!

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Guys- this is my best friend, Abacus. We go everywhere together. My mom says he’s my “Emotional Support Rabbit.” Then she laughs.

Abacus doesn’t think it’s funny. Right Ab?

WHAT’S A RABBIT TO DO TO GET SOME *RESPECT* AROUND HERE? I’m a very busy rabbit, you know.

I don’t go to sleep until THE BOY goes to sleep because he’s usually squeezing me so tight my little lungs cannot inflate.

When he falls asleep, “Tada!,” he relaxes his grip and I can finally drift off… that us, until he rolls over and smashes my fur. It’s like he does gymnastics in his bed!

So there. I’m automatically getting less sleep. Sheesh. It’s like I’m a parent, or something.

Then, after I get up first and have my morning coffee, Zeke shows up around 6:30 and we must get started on our busy day. Some days are a variation on a theme, but this is the general schedule:

6:30 AM- See what we can pull out of the pantry in the kitchen before mother wakes up. We definitely leave the wrappers on the floor so she doesn’t have to think too hard about what it was we ate.

7:00 AM- Protest loudly about whatever mother has decided to fix us for breakfast. Then switch gears midstream and complain about something entirely different.

7:30 AM- Claim we don’t know how to put on our own socks, but we actually do. This is my favorite because it makes mother mad and that makes us laugh.

8:00 AM- Wander around in circles looking for our shoes that are usually sitting right at our feet.

8:30 AM- Hop in the car to take brothers to school, but when we get in the car, we don’t get in our seatbelts like we’re supposed to and we fight with our brothers or sit on our sister. Or both.

9:00 AM- Come back home and ask for multiple unhealthy snacks even though we never finished our breakfast. I think Zeke goes overboard, but my FAVORITE thing is carrot cake and I always hope Zeke asks for one. But he never does.

9:30 AM- We play outside for about a half hour. Then Zeke wanders inside. Then mother yells in the door, “Hey Zeke, what are you up to?” It’s usually something naughty and I have to hide my smirk of him getting in trouble. Again. And rabbit smirks are not easy to hide.

10AM-12PM– We work VERY hard at wearing mother down so that by the time the baby’s nap rolls around, mother will let us watch TV during her nap and mother will have to take a nap also. 

3:30 PM- We pick up brothers from school and then ALL FOUR of us get in trouble until daddy comes home. Then we’re perfect. Getting in trouble all day is hard work. We’re tired by then.

So you see? This schedule is jam-packed and I HAVE to make sure Zeke makes every appointment on time. Sometimes he likes to daydream… like that time he was sitting on the toilet and pretended to surf around the rim.

THAT is why my fur is looking a little dingy. If mother had half a brain, she’d do a quick fur sniff and do us all a huge favor and let me go for a swim in the washing machine instead.


#childrensbookauthor#childrensbookillustrator #hotoffthepress#hotoffthepresses #momsnot#momsnotwipinyourbum #momlifewins#zekeandabacus #buddeisforlife #levelup #levelupkids #raisingindependentkids #raisingboystomen #authorsofinstagram📚#childrensbookstagram#childrensbooksillustration#childrensbooksofinstagram #childrensbookseries #creativewriting

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Mood: Writing a Story About Writing A Story

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Oh, you know… kind of freaking out because I just got THIS

👆 in the mail.
What is that, you ask? Oh, it’s only the patent to the 6 texts to the whole Book Series!!

Just getting a little “Meta” over here and thought I’d give an update in the form of “Writing a Story About Writing a Story.”

Our little idea for “Mom’s Not” is getting some legs. Shortly after finishing the texts in February, I applied for a copyright patent for THE TEXT ONLY. This is kind of an extra step in book production because the text is considered intellectual property and is de fact copyrighted once you put your pen on that paper…. er…. fingers on your keyboard.
I applied for the text itself, which is considered “the intellectual property.”
So basically, I have copyrighted air. And it smells delicious.

So, if it’s an extra step, why do it?

If someone tries to copy your book, you cannot sue somebody (take legal action) for copyright infringement until you have registered your book with the Copyright Office. No one wants to do that. But no one wants to be a doormat either and have someone take your hard-earned ideas and make money from them.
“Also, No award for statutory damages or attorneys fees will be made for any infringement of a copyright in an unpublished book which occurs prior to registration of the copyright. The same holds true for published books, unless the registration is made within three months after the first publication.”
I searched for a good article about copyrighting, if you’re interested and came up with this on GO PUBLISH YOURSELF

I thought it was kind of brilliant, hilarious and entertaining way to explain how this whole thing works.

When the electronic copy is finished and is ready to go to print, we will ship that off for a printed copyright. Again… Absolutely necessary? No. Is it still considered “Yours” because you made it? Yes. But it is necessary if you want to win a court case and keep your hard-earned $$.
Now, when we have the electronic copy completely ready and going to print, we’ll ship that off again to the Patent Office and copyright the entire kit-and-caboodle because it will actually be a product and not just intellectual property.

What if I don’t want to copyright my stuff? Is that OK too?

Sure is. But don’t expect to win any court cases. You’re presuming on two things:
  1. People are awesome and never try and steal stuff
  2. Your idea/product is hardly worth stealing

By spending a little extra $$ up front for our idea, I am believing it is important and valuable enough to wrap it in barbed wire in case a bear tries to steal it in the night.

That poor bear is going to have some “ouchy” paws.

#copyrights #copyrightsreserved©™ #amwriting #legalese #legaljargon #printedcopy #copyrightlaws #momsnot #momsnotwipinyourbum #momwinslife #intellectualproperty #intellectualpropertylaw #intellectualpropertyrights #booktext #booktextpost #copyrighted #copyrightinfringement #copyrightreserved #copyrightprotected #copyright2021 #childrensbookseries #childrensbookpublishing

baby_birds

Disposable Diapers for Birds: The Scoop on Poop

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Roses are red.

Violets are blue.
Husband’s on call,
I tend to the crew.
 
We’ll celebrate later,
Anniversary too.
Next week will be good!

Today can eat poo.

 
Like I said, today (Mother’s Day)

was kind of an “Eat poo” day. Little did I know how significant that would be toward the end.

Dave arrived home and glory be. His presence makes everything better. The screaming is a little less grating, the boy noises more easy to bear… mostly because he whisks them off outside and lets me have a few minutes’ peace to sling dinner. Which was exquisite tonight. A smoked Tri-Tip with grilled hearts of romaine salad and baked potatoes. In my very VERY humble opinion, I am really good at it. Meat was a perfect 130 degrees internal. And if you say that’s not enough… you’d be wrong.

I know, I know. I cooked our dinner. For Mothers’ Day. Special dispensation, you see… the man was at the hospital earning the $$. Next week is our anniversary and we are stepping out, my friends. And we’re going to party till Ten O’clock like the mid-40’s parents we are.

But until Dave came home, it was poo. Lots of boy arguments, lots of baby meltdowns because I’m weaning her and no one wants to learn to feed themselves when it’s just HANDED to you. Level up girl. Put on your big girl panties.

So when dinner was ready, we kept the boys inside and Miss Fussypants went outside, because that tends to make her happy. The two adults sat outside with our plates and tried to keep her somewhat content.

While eating, we heard the crazy-crazy chirping of all of the adolescent birds sitting in our cactus in the side yard. So Dave picked up Rachel to show her the commotion.

I, of course, continued to sit and milk the sanity for a few minutes. So this next part of the story is told through the eyes of daddy when he returned with Rachel in his arms:

“You aren’t going to believe what happened!

So, I was watching this little scene unfold: The babies were chirping like crazy for food. The mama bird flies in and starts feeding one of the chicks.

Then the chick turns around at the entrance of the nest. I got worried because I thought this was the instance that the poor little bird was going to be thrust out of the nest into the cold cruel world and I’d have to be an unwilling participant in its little social experiment.

But no. It hangs its little booty out of the entrance of the nest and proceeds to push out a fairly large poop for such a small bird. It was astounding. BUT:

The turd just hangs there. Quivering indefinitely like it is stuck in a time warp of fecal proportions.

And THEN… that mama bird swoops over and grabs that poop and hauls that poop right out of the nest to some proverbial diaper pail in the sky.”

I looked at him and blinked.

“Forget the *poo* hitting the fan… that mama bird didn’t even let it hit the ground!”

I feel like I was one-upped today by even the animal world.

I was intrigued by what just happened so we asked the googles about this phenomenon of “birdy poo snatching.” Here’s what it told us:

“Baby robins remain in their nest for about 13 days. Just about every time the nestlings gulp down some food, they poop. Let’s see—that’s 13 days x 4 babies x 356 insects and worms on average each day. That’s a LOT of poop! How on earth do robins keep their nest clean?

Baby robins can’t wear diapers of any kind, but they do put their poop in a strong “bag” so the parents can carry it away. This bag is made of thick, strong mucus that a parent robin can pick up in its sharp beak and carry without puncturing, and is called a fecal sac. Fecal sacs are just like disposable diapers for birds!

Within seconds of feeding, baby robins back up and poop. This ensures that whichever parent brought the food will still be there to carry away the fecal sac.”

How many times a day are those parent birds picking up fecal sacs?

I guarantee you, by the end of each day, that mama bird also wanted to kick that little baby right off the edge of that nest. Her poor wings. I see you mama bird…. I see you.

After we finished reading the Google expose, Dave looked up from his phone and said, “If that doesn’t say Mother’s Day, I don’t know what does.”

“I have an answer for that: Haagendaaz and Breyers on sale at Albertsons. Get to steppin.”

Dave, being a husband of excellent training threw the baby in the car and took off for the promised land.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the poo-slinging moms.

There will come a day when “Mom’s Not” doing it anymore,

But today is not that day.

#momsnot #momsnotwipinyourbum #authorsofinstagram #latenightwriting #creativewriting #creativewritings #creativewritingsociety #mothersday2021 #mothersday2021❤️ #mothersday2021🌷🌷 #momsaresuperheros #writersofinstagram #momwinslife

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Introducing… Zeke and Abacus!

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I’d like to introduce you to some friend of mine.

Zeke was named by Mrs. Judy Carl, the awesome mom of Tiffany Noecker. Judy will have a book coming at her when it comes off of the presses!

And now, here’s a word from our little guy. I’ll let him do the talking!

“Guys. I don’t know what happened. One day I was just minding my own business and my mom was feeding me dinner and BAM! She turns the spoon around and says “K, Zeke, now you try feeding yourself.”

WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.

I just knew she was going to make me do more stuff. Cuz, uhhh…. I know my big brothers do “the stuff” too. I don’t know why, but it just doesn’t seem like as big a deal for them.

*Shrugs Shoulders*

Here’s a secret: Sometimes, when mom asks me to try something new, I kind of get afraid that I can’t do it, so I get mad. And I scream and cry and throw a fit. Only because I don’t want her to know I’m afraid.

But then, mom hugs me even when I’m throwing a fit and sometimes that calms me down.

And sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes I run out the front door and try to run to my grandparents’ house because they’re nice to me and give me candy and treats and let me do what I want… most of the time.

Remember that one time my mom ran outside after me and she wasn’t wearing any pants?

Yeah. I planned that.

Even though my face said “screaming and crying” my insides were laughing.

Moms are really funny people… especially when they’re mad.”

#childrensbookauthor#childrensbookillustrator #hotoffthepress#hotoffthepresses #momsnot#momsnotwipinyourbum #momlifewins#zekeandabacus #buddeisforlife #levelup #levelupkids #raisingindependentkids #raisingboystomen #authorsofinstagram📚#childrensbookstagram#childrensbooksillustration#childrensbooksofinstagram #childrensbookseries