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Another Bite Out of the Se-Donut

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Well, we’re up there a lot.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the area, there’s no other way to describe it other than this: Two giant brothers went head to head in a wrestling match and they piled up giant slabs of rocks as they went. And they bled all over the place and stained everything red. Then the rains came and kind of turned it into a watercolor mess. Then their mom came out and yelled at them for making such a mess and bleeding on their front lawn. And then the mom teared up because the mess was so beautiful. Then that giant mom decided just to let them fight it out next time because it produced such beautiful results.

And that, in a nutshell, is Sedona. It’s wild, it’s jagged, it’s breathtaking.

And TJ calls it Se-Donut. And we do not correct him.

Partially, this is because there is an ACTUAL donut shop in Sedona called SeDonut. Which makes me angsty that I don’t own the marketing rights to that. I would have a field day.

This donut shop is good, but that’s beside the point. TJ just picked up the name and happily proclaims he loves “SeDonut” but means “Sedona.” And we pat his head and tell him he’s cute.

Especially since the viral shutdown, we just take a Saturday and go up there and play. Because it’s always at least 10-15 degrees cooler than the Phoenix Valley. Sometimes we’ll just go to a fun splash pad park and sometimes Dave and I are feeling adventurous and take all four hiking. Of course we get the complaints. The “I’m tired” and “I’m hungry” etc. Zip it kids. We’re busy building character. For the parents, of course.

But today, we just went up to relax. We took a picnic to the park. We brought all the kids and the dogs. And it actually was *fairly* relaxing as far as hauling kids go.

I should explain the one complication. When Rachel woke up that morning, she had a slight fever (with no other visible symptoms). Eh, like around 100 deg. And Dave and I went back and forth about whether we should go. Like all good parents, we decided to nix the day and just stay home.

Nope. Of course not. Are you kidding? Stay home on a beautiful day with FOUR kids slowly stealing our sanity? No way. So, I just grabbed the Tylenol, made the picnic lunch and had the boys throw all their things in a bag; shoes, swimsuits and extra change of clothes.

Rachel was fussy on the way up and of course, tons of traffic for a Saturday. But there’s something about hitting those red rock views that makes even the fussiest baby fade into the background. We made it into West Sedona and set up camp at the park. It was busy but not overwhelming with all sorts of parent and littles playing on the equipment and splash pad. The hippie parents were out and I love those guys. They’re all so nurturing and attentive and they always remind me to relax and enjoy the moment.

The kids lasted about 2.5 hours and then fussy pants happened for both Rachel and TJ. Into the car they went. And then we loaded up the other two. After a McDonald’s ice cream pit stop, we looked at each other and said, “What next?”

To be fair, the “What’s next?” discussion happens A LOT. It usually goes like this:

Dave: “OK, what do we do next?”

Me: “Umm, haven’t gotten that far.”

Me: *silence*

Me: “What about XYZ?”

Him: “Sounds good, let’s go.”

The “Next” was a short drive to Uptown Sedona. TJ had fallen asleep. We had the two dogs, a woken and crying Rachel and the other two boys. When we found a parking spot, Josh looked at us with panicked eyes and said, “I FORGOT MY SHOES.”

So, to be fair, we didn’t really notice until this point because 1) lots of kids and 2) parks don’t require shoes. But running around Uptown Sedona most certainly does.

I’m going to tell you something you already know, but we’re in the learning phase with the littles right now:

Natural consequences really, really stink.

Especially for Josh who doubles down on the critique of himself every minute of every day. Did Dave and I get a little frustrated? Of course. Because that means one of us has to stay in the car while the other parent takes Sam, Rachel and the dogs on a walk around Uptown Sedona. And let me remind you, it was BEAUTIFUL that day.

But we didn’t say a whole lot other than make a plan as to who was going to stay. Josh started having a minor meltdown because the full weight of his forgetfulness settled in on preventing him from having fun. And Josh is about two things: Playing outside and having fun.

I’m guessing the next time mom says “Go put your shoes in the bag,” he won’t forget.

Maybe.

Let’s skip the rest until the drive home. This is where things get fun.

Remember that line in “Dumb and Dumber” where Lloyd says to Harry, “You want to hear the most annoying noise in the world?” Then proceeds to sound like a human air horn?

That was the ride home with little Ray Ray. She didn’t have a fever anymore, appeared ok. Had been fed, no dirty diaper. You know, the usual checklist that parents go through eleventy million times a day. I was the driver home because I insisted I was awake and ok to drive.

I popped in those AirPods and put on the Noise Cancellation feature. Life saving. I drove that bus home and she screamed practically the whole way. I’m sure Dave’s nerves were shot, but the boys seem to be able to ignore the screaming and just watch their movie even though they couldn’t hear the sound above the screaming.

We thankfully exited the car at home and it was late so we hurried everyone to get themselves ready for bed. As I unfolded Rachel’s diaper, I discovered a 2 mm red rock tucked neatly right in-between her tiny little butt cheeks, buried where the sun can’t shine.

Imagine having a pebble stuck in between your cheeks and not being able to do anything about it. I just shook my head and thought, “Sorry little girl. We missed another one.”

Then it was time to put the boys to bed and little Sammy has been struggling hard with allergies for a few weeks. He seems to have gotten ALL the allergies, poor boy. So even on Claritin he was miserable and complaining that his nose felt like there was something “tickling” it. I thought, “Oh, that’s just the effect of allergies.” What else do you say about that?

But he was almost having a full meltdown and getting loud about his nose. I just hugged him and all of a sudden he pulled away after a violent sneeze. He looked at me with wide eyes then looked in his hands.

“Mom!!! It’s OUT!”

Me: “What…WHAT!!! What’s ‘OUT?'”

I looked in his hands and there was a small wad of toilet paper that had been in there for who knows how long. Likely a couple of days because I remember back to how long the “tickling” comment had been going on.

I once again felt sad, like I missed his misery.

“Sam, did you suspect you had anything stuck up your nose? You should tell mommy… you wouldn’t get in trouble, I just would want to help you get it out.”

Sam: “I really didn’t think anything was up there.”

Guess who then got a lesson in how to figure out nose blowing? I doubt he’ll be smashing TP up his nose again.

Maybe.

Whatever.

Who am I kidding?

The kids and their drama now firmly asleep, I crawled downstairs to put away the rest of the stuff in the fridge and the leftovers from dinner. I started this story to sort out my day and worked on house admin until I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore. And I finished it the next day when I had had an appropriate amount of sleep.

Appropriate amount of sleep? Who am I kidding?

Certainly not you.

#sedona #sedonaarizona #sedonaaz #sedonaescape #visitsedona #redrockviews #sedonuts #latenightwriting #childrensbookauthor #roadtripwithkids #levelupkids #momwinslife #picnicinthepark #appleairpodspro #everydaystories #writingforlife

looking_at_map

5 Tips to Get Kids to Do Things For Themselves

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Alright, Lin, GIVE IT TO ME! Tell me EXACTLY what I should tell those stubborn little beasts to do to get their bums in gear and wipe themselves, clean their rooms, feed themselves, drag their bags, pick their noses, cook their food AND DO ALL THE THINGS!!!!!

Well…. I hate to tell you, but easy fixes just don’t exist in this world unless we’re talking about duct tape. Because we all know that fixes darn near everything. And believe me, I’ve wanted to duct tape some mouths closed on a daily basis.

We’re talking about PEOPLE. Little people, but people, nonetheless. And with people come moods, internal motivations, external motivations, hungry bellies and whatever else life throws at these little souls minute-by-minute.

And let’s all just stop for a second and remember a very important point: We, the parents are the bus drivers. We’re driving the family bus and we’re leading the family pack. And a lion’s share of the family momentum is shaped and fueled by us, whether good or bad. And it’s the subtleties in how we present things, how we say things, and most imporantly, how we DO things upon which our children will absorb and react.

Some of the things in this list I’m about to tackle with you vary wildly from day to day and kid to kid. Every child might have to have things repeated more or less, but all kids need a patient leader who is willing to go the distance with them; like a good coach who hangs in there through the wins and losses and keeps cheering them forward until they reach their goal.

  1. Assume that your child is at ground zero regarding whatever new task you’re about tackle.

    • Even though you wash your hands every day, YOU don’t have to pull up a stool to hit the sink. Once I saw my boys launching themselves at the kitchen sink to wash their hands, I made step one: “Guys, first go get the stool.”
    • Walk them through each step in the process: “Get the stool. Use one hand to pump the soap and the other to hold the dispenser. Then wash them like this until all the bubbles are gone.”
    • Then have them repeat the process back to you.
    • Every once in awhile, randomly, I’ll just call out for fun “Hey Sam! What’s the ‘hand washing’ routing? And he’ll laugh and rattle it off and run about his business, kind of like I just challenged him to a secret handshake.

  2. Decide in your own mind that YOU are ready to tackle the issue

    • As you assess whether or not your child is “ready” to start learning, you then have to decide if YOU are ready. It goes something like this: “OK, my little person is ready. And I’m ready to teach them the steps. And I’m getting mentally prepped for the pushback.”
    • Set up some possible “pushback” scenarios in your mind and have solutions or pivots handy. Of course, so much of parenting is course-correcting, but intentional parenting has a loose plan in place to aid in the course correcting so the train doesn’t completely derail.
    • Sometimes, you have to pivot mid-stream. “Hmmm… it looks like we both may be getting frustrated. Let’s take a breather and read a book.”

  3. Your timing and attitude going into it has a lot to do with the success or failure of “the mission.”

    • It’s important to keep things age appropriate. It wouldn’t be age-appropriate to teach most one-year-olds how to wash their hands. It would just lead to frustration for both parent and child.
    • Likewise, trying to teach your 2-3 year old how to wash their hands when they’re hungry and/or tired is poor timing- which also ties into the next point.
    • Check the temps, both yours and your child’s. Are you running hot? i.e. stressed, tired, squeezed for time? Then skip the “teaching.” Wait until you can focus on the task and keep your wits about you and deliver your message in a measured, even process.
    • Really think about how each child learns. Some kids can pick it up right away and do it from square one, but this isn’t the norm. Most people need things repeated often. And each child might need it taught multiple times in different ways. They don’t call parenting the “hardest job in the world” for nothing…
    • Lay that grace on thick like buttah. When they mess up or don’t get it right, be quick with a smile and an encouragement to “try it again” or “you’ll get it next time!”
    • Don’t be afraid to scrap all of it and start over from the beginning if the process isn’t working for either of you. Do a “parent pivot” and figure out a better approach.

  4. Use a “touch-and-go” approach.

    • Tackle a little bit here and a little bit there depending on that temperature you just took.
    • Maybe you only do two steps of the process… or one step. Then the next day you build on it.
    • Random times, talk about what it is you’re working on or just say, “I see you and I’m proud of how hard you’re working on ____!”
    • If I start getting a ton of pushback, maybe it’s time to back off and try again later. But sometimes, just sometimes, I can sense the pushback is because they’re not wanting to push through the difficulty. And that’s where I step in and help guide them through to completion. Because “Good” and “Hard” are not mutually exclusive.
    • Make it fun! Make it light! Throw some music in there. Dance like a crazy person. Make silly faces at them. Whatever it will take for them to disassociate the task with fear or drudgery.

  5. Tap your village for all it’s worth

    • You’ve heard me talk before about the importance of “the village” and I will never stop. The village can actually teach your child to level-up where you cannot.
    • That’s right. You heard me. Someone else can do it. And that’s ok. There are just some things where your child will dig their heels in and not want to hear it from you. My boy does NOT want me to help him with baseball, even though I played softball for many years. But he will definitely let the coach do it. Coach… he’s all yours.
    • There is no shame at all in outsourcing that which will salvage the relationship and stick better through another teacher. I might call on the grandparents to teach shoe tying. Or the uncles to start the boys folding clothes. And after the skill is introduced, they’ll let me help them perfect it.
    • You are actually helping your kids to learn how to take instruction from many different teaching styles other than your own which will be immeasurably valuable in their adult lives.

And there’s the list. Sorry guys. That title was misleading. This article was mostly about me. And you. And how our approach can LEAD our kids to become independent little thinkers and independent little doers.

Just like we always keep our goal for the kids in mind (Aiming our kids at true greatness), we also keep our personal goal in mind of working ourselves out of a job as a parents. And that means constantly helping our kids move to the next step when necessary and appropriate.

I probably have a few more things to say, but between four kids, I have to go turn on the engine and drive that bus… drive it straight into Crazyville to catch the next train to the Funny Farm. I’ll be working and planting and pulling up weeds all day long. If you need me, you’ll know where to find me.

#levelup⬆️ #levelupyourlife #levelupkids #independentkids #parentleaders #parentleadership #truegreatness #parentcoach #ittakesavillage #latenightwriting #childrensbookauthor #momlifewins #successfulkids #futureleadersofamerica #futureworldleaders #intentionalparenting #parentingonpurpose #leadingbyexample #parenttraining #authorsofinstagram📚

dave_sara

It’s Been a Year… And a Half

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Tonight was an impromptu date night. And for having a 7, 5, 3 and 1 year old… that’s a pretty hefty feat we pulled off.

It was also special because it was the first night we had gone out, by ourselves IN A YEAR AND A HALF.

Man, it’s been awhile. Part of that is situational (having a nursing baby doesn’t mean nights are optimal for just taking off) and part of it is circumstantial due to the ongoing pandemic. And part of it is simply logistical: Who in their right mind would walk into that scenario and watch four lively kids ages 1-7?

Our intrepid babysitter, Kathy. That’s who. And no, you may not have her number. Or her whereabouts. Her name isn’t really Kathy either. She’s far too valuable to disclose any other information. She handles our kids like a boss.

I had her come over tonight at 4PM. She took all four kids to the park with a picnic I had prepared. Dave walked in at 5 PM from work, which is extremely early for him on a work weekend. He saw me cleaning the second they left and he jumped in on it too. No one is more motivated than a parent when the kids are all out of the house.

I didn’t expect Dave to be home… I was just hoping to get some respite with a babysitter. So we cleaned our brains out until the kids came home around 7. Then we jumped in the shower, threw on some decent clothes and sneaked out the back door like a couple of teenagers.

We hopped in the trusty Honda and left the Pathfinder to Kathy in case of the zombie apocalypse and she needed to make a hasty getaway.

We headed to our favorite restaurant and sat out on the back patio enjoying the perfect Arizona weather. We marveled at the insanity of this year and made a list of the things that went down:

  • Had a “surprise” daughter
  • Welcomed two more darling baby girls into our family via my brothers (yes, that’s 3 baby girls in one year)
  • Did a lot of not sleeping
  • Navigated “online school” with a kindergartner and a first-grader and a three-year-old running around and a nursing 2-month-old baby
  • Had all children home all of the time until actual real school started and I cried with relief
  • Got used to wearing masks everywhere (not really, I hate them)
  • Dave saw waves of patients struggling with an awful virus
  • Dodged the corona virus like a bad game of frogger on the Commodore 64
  • Vaccinated against said virus and that was plenty not fun
  • Changed property management companies for our rental properties
  • Designed and built a deck in Sedona
  • Paid for two air conditioning units that went out at two separate addresses at the same time
  • Got into some debt and worked hard to pay off that debt
  • Refinanced five different properties when interest rates hit rock bottom
  • Watched our kids’ language program at school get axed and decided on a new school
  • Started a publishing company as I ventured into a new career

We talked business about some things we needed to think about and dates we needed to nail down, but it was always interspersed with our signature banter and I thought to myself “a date out with this guy is pretty much like being at home, we’re just interrupted WAY less.” I just love him and love how we’ve grown together. I have learned to depend on him more, and take my defenses down faster. I love how we can challenge each other and sharpen each other and then turn around and snuggle up when one is feeling tired or down or insecure or any other fill-in-the-blank that’s going on.

We survived this year and none of it would possible without God. Who helps us with perspective. Who helps us feel safe. Who gives us assurance that the next minute is not ours to worry about. Who holds our family and kids in His capable hands. After a year like this, my eyes are more tuned to look for those hands reaching out for me like my little daughter throws her hands up for me to lift her and hug her tight.

We walked into the blissfully quiet house after our date. Boys asleep? Check. Baby asleep? Also, check. We said goodbye to Kathy, locked the door, turned out the lights and called it a night; thankful for the opportunity to feel normal again for a few hours. And hoping the next time will be sooner than a year and a half.

#momlifewins #postpandemicworld #latenightdatenight #momanddadtime #momanddadlove #feelingnormal #babysitteroftheyear #bedtimestories #adultinglikeaboss #adultingwin #adultingatitsfinest #kidsareasleep #dateyourspouse #itsbeenalongyear #wemadeitoutalive #strongertogether #strongertogether💪  #lovethisman #lovethisman❤️ #kidfreenight #thankyoulordforeverything💕  #thelordisgood #latenightwriting 

vax1

The Mutation Vaccination

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I’m going to let you guys in on a little secret. When I write, I am not always in front of a keyboard. For example, I am now on vacation on a beautiful island in the Caribbean. It’s a balmy 85° out and I have a glass of iced tea next to me. There are no children present, in fact, I am all alone.

Just kidding. Raise your hand if you knew that was a blatant lie. I’m actually in the car driving myself to a stupidly late appointment (10PM) for my second vaccine shot. But I’m still alone, save for you and my AirPods. These little beauties come in handy because I can speak and do voice to text. They help me make use of my stolen moments. They’re the moments I steal for me/you and to recharge my creativity. I found that the more I feed the creative beast the bigger it gets and the faster it runs.
And when I’m left alone with a few minutes and a wandering imagination, the results can be meteoric. I never know what might actually come out of the nib of my pen or the click of my keyboard. …And I also kid about the “pen” comment. My actual handwriting is horrific… but I can type like the wind.
Speaking of beasts, what would happen if this vaccine actually turned me into a mutant? What kind of powers what I have? Would they be powers to better all of humanity or maybe just my immediate situation? Would they be random, or would they complement my natural gifts and abilities? Would they be used to make things happen to other people, or would they be internal and projected outward?
I’ll be honest: saving all of humanity sounds really really tiring, especially given my current situation. Staying awake during the day is a super power in and of itself. So I’m going to start with superpowers that can influence my tiny little locus of control: the Lilliputians, the leprechauns and alllll of the little people.

ALL the Eyes On Me

I’m going to need four sets of eyes. That’s eight eyes. Back of my head, top of my head, maybe the tops of my feet, just to have a different perspective. The current situation is not working for me. I have FAR too many blind spots. They’re getting a leg up on me. Legs, arms, heads, hands & feet… I cannot seem to put a stop to what I should before it actually happens.

Swole Like the Hulk

I am definitely going to need hulk-like strength minus the green skin. Doing a fireman’s carry for a fit-throwing toddler at 43 is taking its toll on this old lady’s body. Although, like the green guy, you do NOT want to make this mama mad. It takes a lot to get me riled, but when I do, you’d better go fetch me a new wardrobe because I will legit break some seams and pop some buttons. And a few veins too.

An Elephant Never Forgets

I will need total recall, of course. Just to keep track of all of the scheduling is a minor miracle. Then… THEN (here’s the kicker) I want to remember every detail of every conversation I’ve ever had. So when the husband and children INSIST they told me something, I can just shrug and say “Superpower. Duh.”

Hot Tub Time Machine

I will definitely need to travel back in time to prevent the spilled milk, the broken lamp, the cat puke: all the things that make me crazy in the middle of my day. And my vehicle of choice? Why, a hot tub, of course. This aching body isn’t getting any younger and a dip in the old tub from point A to point B will be just the thing to keep me running smoothly.

Door Dash

Guys… I need to be fast. No, no no. Faster than Lin on the high school track team fast. That was slow in comparison. Faster than when TJ ran out into the street and I was in my skivvies? Nope. Even faster. I need to be a blur for one main reason: to do all the things, of course in a 24-hour period. Pick up, make dinner, mom the heck out of the kids, take the them to all the things. Be all the things. Run all the things.
As I pulled up in the line, it was my turn. The NP stuck me good and depressed the syringe. I winced.
“Oh, that stung a little bit, huh?”
I looked straight at him. “I am on vacation right now, do not disturb my zen.”
I waited in the exit line and I thought again about the superpowers. Remember in Spider Man? “With great power, comes great responsibility.” Oh man. I already have a lot of responsibility. So much responsibility. I don’t need anymore. Besides, my ace in the hole is a God who finds me not just good enough, but brilliant and wonderful and he’s proud of me, just as I am. Inhale truth. Exhale grace.
When I walked through the door, the house was quiet and the people were asleep. I decided to adjust my expectations and leave the mutant powers in the car. Coming home to my mutant crew responsibility was more than enough for tonight.
#levelup #levelupyourlife #levelupjourney #momlifewins #latenightwriting #supermom #supermoms #supermommy #supermomchallenge #supermomchronicles #supermompowers #comeasyouare #momwriter #momsofinstagram
business

A Bachelor’s in Business

We’re getting our mileage out of those post-Easter Dollar Store plastic eggs.
On this balmy 95 degree spring day in AZ, the boys decided to grab the eggs and Josh, as usual took the position of strategic planner. I watched, amused, as he filled the eggs with a combination of old candy & random leftovers from the fridge & pantry. My only rule was “no chocolate” because, Arizona.
After he was finished he said loudly for no one’s ears but my own, “Ok, I’m finished. But, ahhh, I want to hunt for eggs too. So…. who’s going to hide them?”
I looked at him over my glasses. “Mom’s making lunch.”
I watched him for a second as the dawning of, “I’m not going to be able to hunt” washed over him like a cold shower of reality.
I think Josh just earned his bachelor’s in business… the bizness of growing up.
Next up- a mortgage and 2.5 kids.
There’s something delicious about watching your child go from consumer to strategic planner. But not in everything all at once, mind you.
I’ll hide the eggs tonight and let him seek if he promises me some of those yummy leftovers inside.
#raisingboystomen #momsnot #momwinslife #oldestboy #leadershipforkids #writingjorney #childrensbookpublishing #boymomlife #boymomforlife

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