The Favorite Son
Sam: “Mom, thank you.”
Me: *startled* “What for?”
Sam: “For everything.”
I’m not saying I have a favorite son…
Yes I am. I totally have a favorite son.
Did they actually say that?
You’re Not the Mom!!!
*Sam throwing a fit about something again*
Sam: “Mom….YOU’RE NOT THE MOM!!!!!!”
ME: “Oh, unfortunately I am right now. I wish I were the dad because he doesn’t have to tell you ‘no’ quite as often.”
Josh: *assessing the situation*
Josh: “Mom, it looks like you need a massage.”
Me: “You have no idea.”
My Son, the Oracle
*Sam throwing a fit in front of the preschool because I’m making him be responsible for carrying his stuff to the car*
Sam: MOM I DON’T LIKE THIS DAY AND I DON’T LIKE YOU FOR NOT CARRYING MY STUFF!!!!!
Me: You’re a big boy and big boys need to be responsible for their own stuff. I still carry a lot of TJs things because he’s still learning.
Him: *seething silence*
Me: *tearing up* I kind of wish I still carried your stuff because that means I can keep you a baby forever…
Him: MOM!!!! THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL!!!!!
My son, the oracle. None of this parenting thing makes any sense.
I Wear Many Hats
Sam: *getting up from the table to go to the bathroom*
“Mom- keep an eye out on my food.”
*turns around*
*stops*
*turns back around*
“And mom… DON’T EAT MY FOOD!!”
Evidently, I am the protagonist and antagonist in this story. An antihero, if you will. I wear many hats.
They’re On to Me…
*Pulling up in the car to pick up babysitter*
Josh: “Mom, I know something.”
Me: “What’s that?”
Josh: “When you’re tired & you just can’t handle us boys anymore, we go get Emme.”
…..
Me: “First of all *JOSHUA*, it takes a village. Second of all….
Crap. They’re on to me.