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Did they actually say that?

spa_day

A Day at the Spa

Josh on our family timetable:

“Mom, you’re going to be a grandmother before dad will be a grandfather.”

Me: “Why’s that?”

Josh: “Well, dad is getting older, but you’re getting older faster than he is.”

Me: ……………..

Me: “Are you saying that I look older than dad??????”

Him: “Yes.”

Me: “Son, do you know your dad is SIX YEARS older than I am?”

Him: *shrugs shoulders*

Me: “Sammy, get over here, as of right now, I’m handing you your brother’s birthright. Also, Christmas is cancelled because Mrs. Claus will be at the spa.”

mess

Of Course

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So, TJ’s being generally naughty and throwing lids (to containers) down into the family room. *I sigh with my head in my hands because I’m so tired of the crazy whirlwind nonsense*

Me: “TJ, you gonna clean up all of that stuff?”

Him: “Of course.”

OF COURSE???? HE’S 2.5. I have a sass-mouth toddler for sale. Who wants him?

good_try

Good Try

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Sam: “Hey mom– we cleaned up all the legos!”
Me: “That’s great, Sam– I heard Josh cleaned up most of them.”
Josh: “MOST of them? I cleaned up ALL of them.”

Good try, Sam, good try. Maybe next time, but probably not.

brain

Prefrontal Cortex

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Coming home from school yesterday, Josh started pontificating:

“Mom, inside your head lives a wise owl and he helps you make good decisions.”

Immediately I start cranking the rusty gears on my rusty gray matter and think “I have no idea what he’s talking about. I don’t want to make him feel crazy or dumb, but I really have no idea. Is that a quote from a cartoon? Was that on a billboard we saw the other day? Did we read that in a book??? I JUST DON’T KNOW!!!!!! THINK LIKE A KINDERGARTNER SARA!!!!!!!”

To Josh I said: “Hmmm… inside your head…. are we talking about the brain here?”
Him: “Mmmm hmmmmm.”
Me: “Is it…. a part of your brain?”
Him: *Giggling and eye rolling* “Sure mom, it’s your prefrontal cortex.”

No…. just…. no. Child… you are in kindergarten. You have to wait until second grade to be smarter than your mom.

“Josh, I’m going to write a note to your teacher that says you are not allowed to participate in learning that stuff on the grounds that your mom feels dumb.”

Him: *rolls eyes* Oh mom….

Me: “Back to preschool, son. Get to steppin…”

adventure

Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

Sam: “Mom, remember that time God stopped the rain for 3 days?”
Me: “Hmmmm… I don’t really remember that one…”
Him: “Yeah, there was a bad king too.”
Me: “You don’t say. What was his name?”
Him: “Bill.”

If you add in “Ted,” it sounds like the beginning of an excellent adventure. Pass the popcorn.

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