While the villagers slept quietly in their beds, they were unaware of the force that was about to overtake them. The toddler horde had woken up extra early to plan their ransack. Allergy season was worse than usual and the villagers were lulled into a false sense of security by Claritin. They approached from the […]
We have an actual adult event (yes, we will be ‘adulting’ that night) on the calendar and the attire is “dressy casual.” Adulting is very confusing. Maybe we should stay home where the attire is clear cut: You know, mismatched tops and bottoms with spit up on either. Or, no clothes at all on anyone […]
*Joshua mumbling something indiscernible* Me: “What are you trying to say, Joshua?” Dave: “I think he was trying to say ‘ice cream’.” Me: “That sounded nothing like ‘ice cream’.” Dave: “Ice cream is an appropriate interpretation for everything.”
Me to Dave during dinner: “The best part about being a parent is having Joshua hand me his already chewed up food.” Dave (without missing a beat): “You know what the best part about being a dog owner is? That food will never go to waste.” Hail to the eternal optimist.
“Oh isn’t that cute,” I thought as Joshua found my paint brushes and made strokes in the air. Then he licked them and painted with spit on the glass coffee table and ripped a few farts for good measure. #boymom
So Josh started doing this really funny thing where he lowers his chin & furrows his brow when he’s angry. On a completely unrelated note, tonight he tried to get down from the table with pizza still stuffed in his fists and I gave him “the look.” You know, the one where I lower my […]
Hunger Games Toddler Edition: The house rule is that all people named Joshua must eat their food in their high chair. It has been this way since food became a ‘thing’ for him. This morning, he decided he didn’t like that rule. It took an hour of calmly repeating the rules and consequences over and […]
Me on the phone with the D-backs box office:
Operator: “Ok, that’s two bleacher seat tickets. Would you like the hot dog package with that?”
Me: “YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!”
Operator: *chuckling*
Both of our boys are taking naps at the SAME TIME. I gotta go- that’s that’s the promised land calling.
Dear cat: I love you, you have been with me for 14 years. But right now I have two little children crawling on me 24/7. If you try and get close to me and steal my ice cream and interrupt my few minutes of peace and quiet, I will throw you across this room. Love, […]