Sam: *getting up from the table to go to the bathroom*
“Mom- keep an eye out on my food.”
*turns around*
*stops*
*turns back around*
“And mom… DON’T EAT MY FOOD!!”
Evidently, I am the protagonist and antagonist in this story. An antihero, if you will. I wear many hats.
*Pulling up in the car to pick up babysitter*
Josh: “Mom, I know something.”
Me: “What’s that?”
Josh: “When you’re tired & you just can’t handle us boys anymore, we go get Emme.”
…..
Me: “First of all *JOSHUA*, it takes a village. Second of all….
Crap. They’re on to me.
Tonight we were talking about Josh’s first experience at sports camp:
Me: “Hey Josh, tell us about camp… you tried lots of different sports right? What did you think about them?”
“What did you think about basketball?”
Him: “Nope.”
Me: “Okaaaay…. what did you think about soccer?”
Him: “Nope.”
Me: *Sighing in resignation* “Ok… how about baseball?”
Him: “Yep.”
*For the record, my little five-year-old marched into the camp, picked up a basketball for the first time and proceeded to make basket after basket on a 10 foot rim*
Today on Father’s Day, I bring to you the heartwarming story of my last baby’s first full sentence:
“I don’t like you mommy!,” screams he at the top of his lungs.
To him I demure, “Who is this ‘mommy’ you speak of? It’s Father’s Day and we’re celebrating all things ‘dad’ …who is now off duty for tonight…
WHO’S YOUR DADDY NOW???!!!”
The only time to plan anything is after they had gone to bed and by that time, we were too tired to think straight. I thought back to that day and what a good day it was. It wasn’t reality, but in our heads we thought we were so young.
5-10
The number of times today I fireman-carried a raging screaming baby monster from point A to point B, while he yelled for his daddy
#daddyainthere
#mamahulksmash
#babycardio
“Sure. I’d love to do the dishes. It’s my favorite thing, you know.” Ummmmm. OK. I didn’t expect that response. For someone who had never done the dishes, he seemed awfully sure of how much he’d like it. And now I was stuck. I had to teach him how to do the dishes.
Sam: “Mom, the hair on your legs feels like a cactus.”
*He’s not wrong*
In the car, I turn around & Sam is blotting blood on his ankle:
Me: “Sam, what did you do to your ankle?”
Him: “Don’t worry, I’m ok.”
Me: “Oh, that’s good.”
Him: “Don’t worry. It wasn’t because I was trying to catch the fish in the fish tank.”
RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU BELIEVE HIM
I’ll be creating a GoFundMe account to pay for eye surgery as my eyes are now frozen in a permanent eye roll.
Guys. It may be awhile before I witness something sadder. My 3 year old was trying to convince me his little pet moth was alive. Through hot, angry tears, he picked up that little lifeless thing out of the water and demanded to me that it was alive. I think I’ll just let him continue in his delusion. He’ll figure out soon enough that it is dead. But not today.