No Way, Not Racing YOU Again
From my spot on the bench I said under my breath, “Oh, I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” I watched as all the kids lined up and one of them did “Go!”
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure
Sam: “Mom, remember that time God stopped the rain for 3 days?”
Me: “Hmmmm… I don’t really remember that one…”
Him: “Yeah, there was a bad king too.”
Habeas Poopy
So, I told TJ that if he pooped in the potty, he would get M&Ms. I hear the toilet flushing over and over again and then he runs out here with cupped hands expecting his treat. He must think his mama’s dumb. Habeas poopy little man or no treaty-treat.
The Favorite Son
Sam: “Mom, thank you.”
Me: *startled* “What for?”
Sam: “For everything.”
I’m not saying I have a favorite son… Yes I am. I totally have a favorite son.
You’re Not the Mom!!!
*Sam throwing a fit about something again*
Sam: “Mom….YOU’RE NOT THE MOM!!!!!!”
ME: “Oh, unfortunately I am right now. I wish I were the dad because he doesn’t have to tell you ‘no’ quite as often.”
Josh: *assessing the situation*
Josh: “Mom, it looks like you need a massage.”
Me: “You have no idea.”
My Son, the Oracle
*Sam throwing a fit in front of the preschool because I’m making him be responsible for carrying his stuff to the car*
Sam: MOM I DON’T LIKE THIS DAY AND I DON’T LIKE YOU FOR NOT CARRYING MY STUFF!!!!!
Me: You’re a big boy and big boys need to be responsible for their own stuff. I still carry a lot of TJs things because he’s still learning.
Him: *seething silence*
Me: *tearing up* I kind of wish I still carried your stuff because that means I can keep you a baby forever…
Him: MOM!!!! THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL!!!!!
My son, the oracle. None of this parenting thing makes any sense.
Pew-pew
If you’ve never walked through Target with a two-year-old pointing a toilet plunger at everyone he sees and screaming “pew-pew!,” then you should. Because if not, you’re missing out.
Also, when critical meltdown was about to happen at the register, the nice lady gave us a bunch of stickers that kept us busy for the 60 seconds it took me to run my card.
Mom, I Got This
Last night, two-year-old was throwing a fit about wanting to rummage through the refrigerator and basically stand there with the door open, staring at it like an adult with the munchies. I put the kibosh on it and closed the door. He freaked out and tried to open it again. I was in the middle of making dinner for everyone but I stopped to hold the refrigerator door closed.
Third Child’s a Charm
Me to Josh: “Josh! Don’t jump on your brother… he’s too little for that!!”
The same brother then proceeds to pop Sammy in the nose and causes a bloody nose and then head butts Josh in the ear.
Moral of the story: Do not screw with the third child.
Some Big Shoes to Fill
We went out to eat. At a restaurant. With the three boys. At night. And I was struggling with complete irritation over not wanting to chase them all over the restaurant and correct etiquette and “don’t stick your hands in the ice water” and “stop waving around the chopsticks”… but you know that’s all they wanted to do.