As it gets closer to bedtime, I find myself using one and two-word phrases:
“You.”
“Come here.”
“Brush Teeth.”
“NOW”
Like some verbally-deficient coyote who just needs to get the kids in bed so she can go kill some chickens.
And by killing chickens, I mean fold laundry.
Or eat ice cream.
Dave and I JUST CANNOT take any more little boy feelings tonight. They were feeling all the feels and it mostly felt like they wanted to overthrow the powers that be. All three of ’em. The proletariat vs. the bourgeoisie. Well, let me tell you little socialists in training… you’ll get a swift lesson in capitalism when you wake up in the morning and you have to figure out how to source your own breakfast.
*Today at lunch uncle Will is dining with us*
Me: “Josh, why are you trying to pinch Uncle Will? He has feelings, you know.
Will (always gracious): Don’t worry… he’s not very good at it.
Me: Yeah, see that’s the thing. We don’t want him to get good at it.
Will: Good point.
Me: Did I just sum up our parenting philosophy?
Will: Indeed.
Today’s holiday is brought to you by “Stop looking at me!” and “You’re bothering me!” Preschool is closed. Mom is not. Neither are the hospitals. #earlyfireworks
*person rides by on bicycle*
Sam: (screams loudly) MOM!!! THAT MAN IS RIDING HIS BICYCLE WITHOUT A HELMET!!!!
Sorry dude. You brought down that fire upon yourself. #judgementday